when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
