nut hugger
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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