Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
