There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
