Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
