I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
