Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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