When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
