Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
