He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
The power of my boobs compel you
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
