no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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