If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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