he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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