Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
