We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
