I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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