you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
