Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
