you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
whose parrot is this?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
