when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
