I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
