Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
