I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Vodka?
Forever.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
