If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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