There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
