It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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