literally had 100 drinks last night.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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