I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I can't put those talents on a resume
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
