Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
