We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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