if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
