I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
