did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
We left an ass print on the piano.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
