Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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