Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
