I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Randomize
