Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
