Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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