areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
