My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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