I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
