you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
