I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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