lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
the day after is always just damage control
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
