He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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