Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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