im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
