It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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