Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
