my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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