My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
