these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
