I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
