he laminated a picture of his dick.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
